Tonight I sit in the oncology ward of the Hamilton Juravinski Cancer Centre with my step dad. I am listening to his raged breathing, and he no longer speaks. His eyes settle on me and I can see the terror, but he doesn't communicate. None of this makes much sense, he was a good man, he looked after his children and even though he was divorced from their mother, he paid his support, and took them whenever he could. They would pop in and have dinner, or go camping, or on vacation. He was a good dad. Oddly enough, it is me that is sitting here, neither of them have even visited during this whole ordeal. Also as I said before in a previous blog, he has cared for my mtoher for the entire time they have been married and before. She has serious issues, and he has tried with as much love as he could muster at times, to be caring and get her help when needed.
This has been so hard on her as well. He completed all his chemo, and they found a bone marrow transplant. I brought him home from the hospital on Good Friday, and actually siad Happy Birthday, today is the first day of the rest of your life.
I have never been so wrong about anything. He contracted the worst case of graft vs host disease the doctor has ever seen. They are unable to save him, or do anything more for him. So now we wait.
They have withdrawn all the devices and medications expect for pain meds. And we wait. We wait for him to slowly and painfully slip away. I am struck by the irony that we treat our pets more humanly. Today they passed a bill in Quebec to allow medical intervention to end a life. It is now my sincere opinion that Ontario should quickly follow.
This just makes me sad and sick to see what could be my, or any of my loved ones futures.
