When you just don't have the answers.

Recently my step-father was diagnosed with Leukemia.  This hit me like a tonne of bricks.  I think I was just blind sided by the news.  Up to this point he was a very healthy and active man.  I never thought of him as elderly, or failing.  He fished and camped, looked after his yard with zeal.

The news lead me to search what was going to happen.  What I found was disturbing, elder leukemia was serious business.  They live 2 and half hours away from us, and trying to help them was going to be a challenge.

Today he turns 68.  I had bought a set of luggage for them for Christmas, but decided that he should receive that as a birthday present.  I have to say that up to this point in my life I always referred to him as my mother's husband.  I have no idea why I never looked at him as a part of me, my children have always known him as grandpa, but I just called him by his name.  In fact he is the only grandfather from my family that they have ever known.  It's a messed up story, but I was adopted when I was a baby, my mom and dad later divorced when I was about 6.  We rarely had contact with our mother, she had a host of issues, and we seemed mostly to have to care for her.  When I was 16 my dad married a lady 6 years older than myself.  Shortly after he asked me to  move out, and we have had no contact since.  I have gotten married, had three kids, married off our oldest daughter, sent two kids to university, and had 3 grandchildren.  My step dad was there for all of it.  In fact, he has been around longer than the man that took me into his home, and promised a court to raise me as his own.  I have very mixed emotions about all of this.

I have always thought about myself as an orphan.  I have met my birth mother, and have a relationship with my half sister, but the mother bowed out.  It is unclear as to who my father actually is, that has been touched on, but nothing done.  Anyhow, now that you have some history , the real reason for this post was the leukemia.

I just didn't know what I could do to help.  He is currently resistant to too much intervention.  I want to be thoughtful, and helpful, and show him that he has impacted my life.  After much thought, I decided that we would go there tomorrow and have a small birthday party, I could give him his luggage, that he is going to need for trips to the hospital, and bake him some cupcakes.  After speaking with my mom, she informed me that he would like a double layer cake.  I guess I will have to put my cake decorating skills to work and see what I can come up with.  I also decided to make a soup that he always made for us growing up, and he taught me how to make it too.  A loaf of fresh bread, and it should be a nice lunch.  I really just want him to know, we got this, we will be there, he is not alone, and we love him.  Maybe we have never actually said it, but we do.

Ah the homesick student, and parenting from a distance

Handling the homesick youth at university is becoming a difficult task.  We are 8 hours away, and this just doesn't seem to be getting any easier with time.  .I have tried everything I know to ease this situation.  His father even made the drive for a surprise visit hoping that would cheer him up, and it did for as long as he was there, but we have jobs and commitments here so having an extended visit is out of the question.

I have googled this problem, and most say just have them get out and do things, which I encourage every day.  I do find that with the ease of communication, perhaps we talk to each other too much.  With unlimited long distance, and beefed up cell packages, texting, im, etc, you are virtually accessible at all times of the day, with very little cost.  Perhaps this is contributing to the problem.  It would be hard to move on in a new situation when you are constantly talking to and wishing you were home.

I thought that by giving my children the skills to go out and live on their own, they would have no problem in this department.  They can all cook, look after their cleaning, and do their laundry.  However, we spent a lot of time with our kids, and weekends would often find us hanging out together, or going on day trips.  Even as teenagers they would go along, my kids never had that parent aversion.  I hear so much from others that their teenagers hate them, and can't wait to be rid of them.  I almost wish our kids had a little of that in them, although that would personally break my heart.

Does anyone have any advice on how to handle the homesick university student?  I am totally open to suggestions!!!